I want to share with you a story from this morning. The day didn’t start off much different than any other day. The only difference was what time it started. Last night, Ryan told me we no longer have any roosters. I assumed that Rebel would sleep later now, since there would be no cock-a-doodle-do-ing outside of his window anymore. I also anticipated being able to sleep in since the girls stayed the night at Aunt Nannas, which meant I wouldn’t have to get up at the the ass crack of dawn to get them to school by 8:00 a.m. I foolishly stayed up later than normal because I expected to sleep in. Apparently my assumptions were incorrect. Rebel decided to get up at 6:30 a.m., which is WAY earlier than the usual time he wakes up. I was NOT happy. (I am not a morning person anyways).
I am sure some of you who’s kids are consistently up at 5-5:30 a.m. are probably thinking I am lucky that I got to sleep that late and many are probably wondering what was so big about Rebel waking up earlier than normal.
But what I am going to share with you my ah-ha moment that stemmed because of my being grumpy at the fact of what time my crazy, wild little Rebel woke up!
I’m sharing this with you, which is long. I will not apologize for how long this blog post is because it’s my own personal thoughts that I am sharing with you and I refuse to limit my thoughts. I also share my thought process because I feel that for some, me just saying, “DO THIS!” is NOT enough. You have to show them how and explain WHY!
I am allowing you to look into how my mind works. It allows you to see how I think. I mediate on everything, even small details which enhances my happiness and ability to see things that I have missed. I used to spend so much time worrying about stuff that I could NOT control, now I use that energy to really dig deep in attempts to grow mentally, emotionally and better my relationships by constantly finding areas I need to improve in. This has also allowed me to get to know myself better, which has helped prevent me from contenting to engage in impulsive, emotional fueled behavior.
Today, for example I took a single moment, something that happens everyday and could easily be overlooked. I took a step back and called myself out when I identified that my reaction to what time my child woke up because I assumed something was going to happen the way I had set out in my mind and planned poorly was NOT in line with the type of mom he deserves. I realized that this was a form of me falling back into old ways, so I forced myself to slow down and not be upset at him. Why be mad? He was already up! I tried telling him that he needed to go back to bed. He started to get upset and it became clear he wanted to just be with me. So instead of arguing with him and insisting that he go back to his bed, I tried to find the positive in it. So I made the choice, instead of starting off my day and his negatively, I changed my thinking and my actions because I don’t want the first or last words each day to my children to be something that causes distress to either of this.
First point: I MADE THE CHOICE to change it. Something we all have the power to do. We have the choice in any situation: to control our mindset, to control our actions and reactions and how long we let it effect us.
The decision was made within seconds and once I thought about it, I realized I missed a lot last night while I was rushing around from 7:25 p.m. when we started eating until 11 p.m. when I got done “working”. I had totally been too busy rushing to complete a long list of tasks that I had. I was working as quickly as I could, always thinking about what I had to do next, and how much time I had left to do it. I never slowed down.
It wasn’t until the next morning that I was able to focus on the evening before. I realized that last night was A LOT like ones last year, when I was different person, when my life was completely different. I realized that how my mood was and how I handled things showed MAJOR progress. I have been focusing on these huge to-do lists and all the things I need to do each day for everyone who needs me, that I never noticed just how different our family operates under the same situations a year later. It made me appreciate my family and realize that they ALL need & deserve the same recognition as I give my team, my coach Becky and the rest of the TBB community. Without my family’s support, patience and trust and had I not stepped up, seeing that they deserved to be included in and understand what I was doing, and had I not done a good job communicating to them that they were part of why I was working so hard, then everything I have accomplished might have never happened, even with the amazing team I have. Had I not communicated with them they might have felt neglected and like it was all about me. They might have thought that my team and challengers, were more important to them. They might have become resentful and would not have been as patient, helpful, supportive, willing to help out more around the house and the added stress of not having their support or cooperation could have effected my growth and my confidence level and amount of work I put in, which then I may have not have attracted the leaders in my team that helped me reach my goals or maybe I would’ve attracted the same people but not had the ability to push them to be the best person and leader and believe in themselves.
As I sat there and thought about just how far I’d come as a person, as a coach, as mother & wife it made me reflect on this more deeply and it led me to write this. You see I have wanting to create a video based on the topic of why and how important it is for coaches to involve their families more in their journey. When I say involve, I do NOT mean force Shakeology® down their throat, lock them in a room until they complete a Focus T25 workout (which, by the way is will remain on sale for less than a week) or make them count their calories and use the 21 Day Fix boxes to plan their meals.
I simply mean include them in what you are doing.
Do they know what your WHY is, that keeps you motivated as a coach? (Helps if you know it too)
Do you share with them what your dream that you wish to accomplish which is empowered by Beachbody and what you’ve learned?
Are they included in your dream and are they part of your WHY that propels you towards your goals?
Do you at least invite them to attend events with you or do you just assume they won’t go so don’t even ask? (The majority of objections are almost always provoked. I hear this all the time, ” I am sure you won’t want to go, but I figured I’d ask, do you want to go to Houston’s 3rd Quarter Super Saturday of 2014! with me?” An invitation worded like that, you basically told that person that it sounded like something they wouldn’t like, but felt obligated to invite them and you already gave them the out saying “I am sure you won’t go!” You made the decision easy. I have always told Ryan, “XXX event is on MM/DD in City, State, doesn’t that sound like fun. I am registering us now
So ask yourself the above questions and answer HONESTLY. If you have or haven’t done some of these things or neglected to include or communicate these things with your family, be sure to do so IMMEDIATELY. It is not too late. It is never too late to tell your family that they mean something to you, that they are your main motivation and priority. It is never too late to ask them for their help and support. It is never too late to ask them to believe in you and push you when you get discouraged. That is what our family, our CORE UNIT should provide. If you cannot communicate with them, when it comes to your desires, goals, dreams and how you feel about them and if you are unable to tell them that they are important. Then I suggest you work on that with them or else you will have a problem building relationships and conveying your emotions to those you are reaching out to and inviting as their coach.
Ah back to how I came to these ah-ha moments that I feel strongly about and feel the need to pass on to those who are receptive and teachable (As you can tell, I get sidetracked easily, but only because there is so much running through my head regarding this subject that I’ve been thinking over the course of months, but all came into line more clearly so that I could share with you today! I apologize for jumping around here and there) Soooooooo…………..
As I was trying to convince Rebel to go back to sleep in his bed, not my bed like he wanted, I remembered that he actually had been put to bed quite a bit earlier than I’d been putting him down lately (since we really have no schedule anymore, I let him stay up til 9 because its not so imperative that he’s in bed super early to be up super early because a lot of times I will let him sleep in while I run the girls to school if Ryan is here or if the girls are at their dads, we don’t rush him to school at 7:30 a.m. It’s more like 10) because Dad was in charge of bedtime duties last night, because I was a guest speaker for a friend & fellow coach’s team call, Vanessa Casullo.
And then I realized, how much things have changed. I remember in 2013, the nights I had a call, I was nervous about speaking on a call with a bunch of people who were intently listening to ME and ONLY me. The thought of messing up, sounding stupid or having the spot light on me scared me. The nights I had a call, were stressful. I’d fly thru the door after work around 5:40 p.m., shouting questions, barking orders, constantly glancing at the clock, trying to juggle cooking dinner, asking my kids about their day, packing lunches for the next day, attending to Rebel’s needs (he was 2 1/2-3), still on edge from a day in an office, stuck with no choice with people who had nothing in common with me, many of them didn’t like their job and many things about their lives. Their unhappiness and bitterness and negativity filled the air and made for an unpleasant day to day experience. After 8 hours doing a mentally exhausting job, dealing with the public and being drained by the mood, by the time I got home, I just wanted to totally unwind. As a wife and mother who was managing a fast growing home based business, responsible for hundreds who were counting on her on top of her family who needed her, the last thing I could do was just unwind. So I raced all over the house, trying to get everything done on time to have Rebel in bed on time to get on my call. It never failed, something would happen that made him cry (no doubt my stress and lack of time with his mother). I’d have to get up and attend to him or holler down the hall to go to sleep or try to find Ryan who was usually outside working on something, trying to stay out of the way to keep it quiet so I could concentrate.
Fast forward to last night. I had a week to prepare for the call and never at one point was I nervous. We did a video conference call so I could see everyone’s face, which is what I prefer now. Prior to the call, we were running late. But there was no stress. I simply got Rebel bathed, told him I had a call and that he could watch a little TV, and that if he wanted something, he’d have to go ask Daddy and give me a kiss before hand, then when Daddy put him to bed, he could blow me a kiss. I didn’t worry about what my hair or makeup looked like or that there was noise in the background, Ryan welding and then later on our friend who came to work on our AC, knocked on the door then walked in while I spoke to him. Why? Because this is my REAL life. This is what our normal night looks like. I will not try to make everything perfect when I share my life and my success tips with others because that is not real. I want everyone to know that all of us, living normal chaotic lives can achieve great things by helping others. I want people know that our family members need to know what we are doing (maybe they don’t share the same passion as you) & need not be expected to be banished from their home with their routine disrupted. I want everyone to know that after a year of difficulty, Rebel now understands what “Mommy’s Call” is because he’s seen me consistently do it & I’ve allowed him to sit in on some, sitting on my lap waving at some of the faces that he knows because he’s been to events and spent time with these people, so it’s part of his routine. I also want others to know that just because it’s hard right now, when you are a parent, trying to juggle what I was juggling, that I don’t want you to throw in the towel. Keep doing what you are doing. Include your family. Have faith that your toddlers will get older and be more respectful of what they’ve seen you do a million times and now understand is important. I want you to know that if you push past the difficult times and work hard and be consistent, you will achieve great things. Just like I did, when I replaced my income and then some with my earnings from simply helping others achieve what I had and left my 10+ year career in the Insurance Industry after just 625 days of being a coach, with no previous experience in the health & fitness industry. I want people to know that with practice and over time, their confidence in speaking in public will improve as well as their speaking abilities because when I got on the call at 8 p.m. sharp, I looked right into everyones eyes that I saw staring RIGHT at me from my laptop screen. And as I spoke to them, I was completely confident, not arrogant, but confident because I no longer second guessed myself and knew that what I was about to say would help them if they were LISTENING (not just hearing) & started implementing the tips & suggestions I was sharing with them, things I learned from the leaders who took the time to talk to me and had the courage to share their past struggles & failures and were gracious and kind enough to share with others to succeed instead of hoarding the info just for them to benefit. I had no fear being 110% myself, which is very blunt and to the point, because I believe in what I do & that it’s 100% legit and I believe that when it comes to helping people and being THE PERSON who is capable of saving another persons life, you don’t want to waste time, so it’s best to get right to the point and share what needs to be done and how to get past your own securities and selfish fears (Yes! Fears are selfish because usually it’s about YOU, not anyone else. How you are feeling, how uncomfortable you will feel. How much pain it will cause you. How it will effect your emotions if others don’t accept you or it’s not received well. Or how it will hurt your feelings if someone says no.) So I was a straight shooter so as to hopefully provide a few ah-ha moments that you prevent others from wasting too much time thinking about things and not doing them or wasting precious time being ineffective when trying to help others.
But it wasn’t until this morning when I was still groggy standing there, making the decision of how I need chill out and not automatically get mad at Rebel for things that he are just part of having a small child & stop falling back into old habits as a mother, that I started reflecting on last nights events, which put him to bed earlier than normal and up earlier. It made me really step back and see the big picture: I remained RELENTLESS. Even though it was stressful, hard and unpleasant, I didn’t postpone my goals for my team or myself until my kids were older and it was easier. I didn’t stop my calls with my team and coaches until I became a full-time coach, when it was easier. Had I done that, and stopped being a leader, and taught my team that being a leader only came when convenient, would I have been able to build a solid foundation of LEADERS which led me to becoming a FT coach and 2013 Elite Coach? Had I continued to treat my family as a burden and banished them away, instead of changing mode of operation, by saying to those I worked with that, “THIS IS MY LIFE, I will share my knowledge and guidance with you and I am a Mom & wife. The noisy tools banging around outside and Rebel and Emily popping in to see who’s on the call and all the kids kissing me goodnight mid-call, would I have a son, who is sitting her on the couch beside me cuddled up, kissing my arm? Would my husband be telling me, like he did yesterday, “I brought my work home instead of going to Houston today so that I could be near you because I like you, but it’s proving to be difficult to work out of the garage and weld in the wind, along with the breaker that keeps tripping.” and then telling me later on last night, after asking what my plans were (obviously besides working and working out like I do EVERYDAY), asking me if I’d like to spend part of the day with him.”? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is what I want to share with all of you – Push past the obstacles in life. Nothing lasts forever. NOTHING. So push through the hard times, and #NEVERGIVEUP and keep working consistently to maintain the good times. Be wise enough to take a step back and take a look at things, that are causing unnecessary stress and most of all, once you’ve identified what you may be doing to be something to someone that is NOT you or to make things look perfect to others who you look up to, be humble and willing to change your ways so that you don’t work so hard and then one day wake up, after achieving your goals, to realize that you alienated yourself from everyone that you were doing it for. Be sure in anything you do, that you stay true to yourself, by being YOU, not what others are like or what you think people expect of you, but always be sure to care about others, this is not just about you. Include your family, share with them your goals, the hard work that you are going to have to put in and ESPECIALLY help them all visualize the rewards at the end. Once I realized that, EVERYTHING changed. I made this about the family and our future. I explained how important it was, what I did as a coach, so that my kids understood what my job was (not just sitting in front of a computer or on the phone) and what I did to help others so that they learned that people are important and most importantly that their Mom was working hard to reach her dreams and didn’t settle like her parents did and that at the end this would make our family life better. I brought them to events. I let them help me package up sample packs of Shakeology®. I brought them to Super Saturday, events I hosted, dinners with people that I look up to, now they stalk on IG like Danielle Katz (people I want my kids to look up to. Real people with real passion and drive, not some movie star or someone that you only see on TV). I bring them to Fit Club, even though it’s very trying on my patience. I let them be part of my videos. I share with them exciting things like me being selected for the PiYo Coach Test Group or that they are going to get to meet another coach that has made a huge impact on me, Melissa McAllister at dinner next month. Because this is my life, this is my passion, this is a HUGE part of my life just as much as they are, then I include them. This isn’t some hobby, like hunting, fishing, bowling, scrapbooking, etc that I just do on my time, on my own, when I have extra time. This is a family affair since it changed our WHOLE life and strengthened my relationship with my husband Ryan Hord, my 3 children and my 2 step children Hunter & Hailey Hord. Had I NOT included them and made them part of this I would NOT have been able to achieve what I have. My success would have been short lived. I would still be that mom, flying thru the door in a panic, looking at the time, racing against the clock to get things done before bed for the next work day. So if you read this, please think about it and ask yourself, if you ever stop and think about how you are operating? Just like working out, you need to focus on FORM to get the best results. So if you don’t ever look at what you’re doing from day to day, you may not see that you are weakening your relationships or adding more stress that makes the experience unpleasant (and isn’t that why many of you are trying to work hard, to fire your boss? The last thing you want to do is make your passion and job you love unpleasant and stressful or have your family resent it). Ask yourself if you have done a good job explaining to your family what it is that you exactly? Remember: Your kids may know that Mommy (or Daddy) is a “Coach”, but what they don’t know is what a “Coach” does. Many kids associate a job with being something that you leave the house to do or something they are familiar with, Police Officer, Teacher, Firefighter, Person who works in an office doing whatever office people do. For instance, when Rebel asks where Daddy is, he says “In Skouston?” (Houston). He has no idea what he does or what he is capable of designing or building. He ONLY knows that Daddy goes to Houston. Rebel was confused the first couple weeks that I picked him, right after I quit my job to be a full-time coach. Everyday he said “Mom, are we going to the sweaty gym again?” (That’s what he calls the Fit Club that I run.) He had ONLY seen me pick him in workout clothes on Tuesdays when we’d go to Fit Club. So that first couple weeks, everyday he was confused with the fact that I was wearing those clothes, but we only went to Fit Club once each week. (Which reminds me, which make me sad, when I was still working, I had to have the girls ride the bus home because I could not get off by 3:30 to pick them up, and by the time I got changed into my workout clothes and got Rebel, I didn’t have enough time to run 25 minutes home and be back and set up to start Fit Club at 6. So my girls rode the bus home to an empty house and would have to sit at the table do homework, make themselves dinner and eat on their own and go take showers, just to have me come home, hurry up and cook something for Rebel and I, bathe him and put him to bed and then it’d be their bedtime as well. I guess though as sad as it may seem, they may have been relieved that they didn’t have a crazy, mother flying by them, shouting things that made no sense, as she was trying to spit out tons of things going thru her head and ask questions and listen and bark orders. Either way the thought that for years of their school life, all that they can remember, they had crazy evenings, and rushed mornings because Mom had to work and they had to come home to an empty home which felt better to them, then going to some after school center until I got off of work.) This everyday “normal” routine was my drive and what I focused on when things got tough and I thought about quitting because at the time it may have seemed easier than giving up evenings, adding more to my plate, giving up weekends to mentor coaches, do calls with new coaches, attend events, check in with my Challenge Groups, travel to personal development seminars. But even if I quit working so hard, I knew I didn’t want to give up what I was doing because of what it had added to my life, and that if I slowed down, got lazy, made excuses, then it would only slow me down and take me longer to reach my goal. My goal never changed, not with my feelings or how tired I was. Because my WHY was important. It was to be able to have more relaxed, quality time with my girls and to not have them have to ride the bus home to an empty house and make their already long day even longer. And to make sure Rebel never had to experience that. I wanted to make sure that I never had to decide what was more important, saving time off in case my kids got sick so I didn’t risk losing my job or having my pay docked or getting a warning from my supervisor verses spending it to take my kids on vacation or using it to attend Beachbody events which would help me learn how to be a better coach, help teach me things that would be valuable and help me help others BETTER and help me believe in myself, by hearing others stories and being surrounded by thousands of people who shared the same passion and goals as me. How do you chose that? Do you think about NOW, what’s more fun, what’s more logical, what’s more safe, what’s more family oriented, what’s better in the long run? How do you pick who or what is more important how to use a small amount of time? I personally was tired of being a mother for 14 years and spending over a decade having my time dictated by someone else. Someone who’s dream I was helping achieve, while having no room to dream myself. I was sick and tired of feeling stressed and sick to my stomach every time I’d ask for time off for over a decade and reciting what I would say – preparing this speech of why I needed that time off and what I was doing just to wait to see if it was acceptable, so that it didn’t disrupt the workplace since that was what was more important and even at times to make sure that the person granting me permission deemed it an important enough reason to take off when I do. I hated freaking out every time my kids got sick, trying to find someone to keep them when they were sick. (The only time I ever missed my mother when I was a teenager to young adult, until Ryan came along was when I was sick. So to miss out and not be the one to take care of them when they were sick, which was important to me as a kid made me sad.) The fact that I felt annoyed when I would get the call from school, made me sick because I should not feel that way, but I did because I always thought, “Great! I wonder if the other kiddo is going to get sick, then I’ll miss more work and will that jeopardize my job position, since everyone is so replaceable it seems nowadays and there is no loyalty between employee/employer!!!” The fact that my job duties took precedence over my family, because of loyalty to an employer who I was worried would not be loyal to me. I was tired of missing school events because the girls stopped telling me since I couldn’t ever get off. I was tired of having Ryan and the girls Dad take them to every dentist, orthodontist or doctor appointment unless I could get an appointment around 11 or 1 and then ask permission to switch lunch, but then would spend my whole lunch running around frantically. I was just sick and tired of living my life by someone else’s design. Others at my work, gave me their looks when they heard me say things like this. One person said that others may think I am better than them because almost everyone lives and accepts the same lifestyle I am complaining about and that as Mother, you should use your time for your kids.
I thought about that for a bit. And realized that I COULD save up the time responsibly only using it for Doctor appointments and things of the such and then if at the end of the year there’s time leftover if no one got sick, then take them on a mini-vacation and do something with them. My mindset had changed and that’s when I said HELL NO! No one will dictate when I spend one hour of my day, not to mention when I decide to spend time with my kids on a vacation or doing something fun. I will not wait until the end of the year and use whatever is leftover and squeeze them into what works at that time of year.
They had made enough sacrifice as children, I needed to me. I had told myself for years that this is what every mother seemed to do. It was normal. And that I was doing my job by providing for them, teaching them to work hard and have good work ethics and that only older, financially stable mothers got to spend the summers with their kids and take their kids to 4 p.m. sports practices and make dentist and doctor appointments whenever they had an available time slot.
I had convinced myself that a life of mediocrity and accepting a lifestyle that everyone else had was fine for years. I was doing the best I could. I didn’t have the means to be one of those moms I would see posting pictures of them with their kids doing all of these fun things on Facebook all summer long so I even though it made me sad that I wasn’t able to do the same, I told myself that, looking at where I was at then, that’d never be me, so spending time wishing that it was me, was a waste of energy. And then I went back to an average life. The same average life, that others were unhappy and unsatisfied with.
Because of Beachbody, because I’d seen mothers who were coach’s leave their jobs or never have to return back to work after the birth of their child and I saw them growing, I started to see that it was possible. I too didn’t have to work for someone, despite telling myself that I would always work for someone. I had said that because that was the ONLY thing I knew.. working for someone. My Dad had been self-employed most of his life and I remember the stress of the overhead, the pressures the one responsible for a business, financial ups and downs and I remember the toll it took on my family. I remember how horrible it was. I was only 8-14 when I saw the worries and heard the conversations and had to go without a lot of things I wanted (not needed). I remember having to eat dinners at my grandparents. I remember when my grandfather bought our family a car. So to me, what I learned was to never be self employed. Always work for someone else, making sure you know exactly how much you were making. It was guaranteed and safe. But then with Beachbody I realized that this was a different type of business and I saw the business side growing and started to see that I COULD actually be a mom that picked her kids up from school and wasn’t so burnt from the day that she had no patience of energy for my children. I could spend time with them on their spring, summer and Christmas Breaks. I could take them to the Dentist regularly. I could take them to the Doctor in 20 minutes notice if they got sick at school and stay at home taking care of them the next day (of course we never get sick no. Thanks to Beachbody, we’re 2 years healthy and going strong.)
Once I knew what I wanted. Once it became very emotional to me and meaningful. Once it became something I saw was possible for everyday people. Once I saw that I could do it based on the growth of and consistency of my business. Once I realized that my hard work was getting me closer to it. Once I believed that I could indeed be successful without the safety net of having a steady paycheck from an employer. Once I believed I would not fail. Once I believed that I deserved this and that it was not just a long shot or luck that got me that far, but that it was ME and my hard work, is when I pushed hard and worked harder and became even more relentless and laser focused on not losing sight or taking my eye off of what I wanted. I made sure I removed all distractions and made sure that everything I did was something the would IMPROVE ME. I made sure I learned from Personal Development but MOSTLY observation of others, to find out what was working and what others were doing that I would want to emulate and do with my own personal flare. I realized at this point it was for me and my family, so I stopped comparing myself to others coaches or formulating what I said on Social Media to conform with what was proper. I became 110% me.. uncensored and opinionated and direct.
Once I made this commitment, I shared what my goals were, what sacrifices would be required from everyone in the family, and what was needed in order to make this work and I shared with my children that I’d be working harder and longer and that it didn’t mean that I didn’t want to be with them or spend time with them, but Mom had to work super extra hard for awhile. I explained that I didn’t want to continue living a life like this and then looking back and realizing I settled for lifetime of being a half-asssed mom, only spending 2-3 hours a night with them while juggling everything else, not ever giving them 100% and then spending our weekends together not being able to go far or do anything really fun because we had to be back to work and school on the weekends. I explained to them, that if we made some sacrifices NOW, that it would pay off and got them to envision what it would be like to have mom pick them up. They had never been car riders or had me pick them up EVER. This made them so excited. I also made sure when I took them to DisneyWorld on the Success Club Trip in March 2013 I explained that I had won the trip through my hard work so that they knew all those hours I was on calls or in front of the computer or gone for a weekend here and there, that this was a benefit and they got to enjoy it. I want them to love Beachbody just as much. I share with them the programs I am doing. They drink Shakeology. They know who the trainers are. I make them part of what I am doing. Does it mean that they will want to be a Beachbody Coach later on? I don’t know nor do I care. I just want them to appreciate what time we all sacrificed to make this happen and not see it as something that is more important to them or that took away from them with no reward. Clearly there is value that has been added since I became a coach, but kids like to see rewards, fun times, things they can see, not feel. They met my coach and their kids and her sister, husband and kids as well as other people on our team that they’d seen pictures of and heard me talking about across the table. It became real to them. This was no longer just moms friends..these were their friends. Their family. The people who were strangers and now are the people who ask about them and send their love more than our actually “family”. People who know my kids so well like they’ve always been in their life because of what I’ve told them and what I share on Facebook about our life because it’s not about JUST me, it’s about my kids. They know all the funny stories and they fell in love with them because the are MY kids because my coach and her family love me so they love my kids. I feel nothing but love and like family as well, so I share everything that I know about them with my kids. Coaches on my team and that I have built relationships with are common names across our dinner table. The kids know who they are, ask questions even if they have never met them, because they know they are real. When we got back from the cruise the kids asked in particular about several coaches they’d met, because they generally care about them. This is how you draw your family into this lifestyle. If these coaches are your close friends and even what you consider family, the rest of your family needs to be included. Even my personally sponsored coach Aimee, her son saw me for the 2nd time in almost 18 months 2 weeks ago at Super Saturday, and he came running to me and gave me the worlds tightest, genuine hug and told me “Mindy! I love you!” I believed him and felt it. Had I spent anytime with him prior? Besides the 2 min I met him late 2012 no. But he felt connected to me because his mother is one of my best friends..and she discusses me and shares videos and pictures of our family with Ethan and since his mom loves me, he loves me.
Ryan of course knew all of my intentions and goals. He was the one who helped me start believing in myself. He was the one who supported me. He made sacrifices too. He’d fall asleep on the couch some nights, waiting for me to to go bed, while I sat and worked from my computer until sometimes 1-2 a.m. to make sure that I was replying back to messages I received and checking in on those who had trusted me. He was patient. He missed me. He missed being able to go on non-Beachbody trips just him and I or doing something non business related because as much as Beachbody has been great and he’s always been supportive, he also deserves to have his wife. So once I recognized that I knew I needed to do something not just for him, but for us. I needed to show that he was still the most special person and I can identify that now because of the person I am because of the changes I made starting with Beachbody products and then becoming a coach. I needed to show him appreciation for his support (some spouses give NO support and sometimes are resentful when it comes to their spouse who is a coach. I often believe because coach’s either try to force everything on their spouse who is not ready, wiling or able to embrace a lifestyle change for whatever personal reason or maybe just don’t like someone coming in demanding that they have to do this or do that, can’t or need to eat that, and then changing the whole environment overnight once they signed up as a coach, or maybe the coach never included or explained anything about this and spend long hours on calls, traveling to events, stuck in front of a computer and so then they never see their spouse to see that this has actually changed their mind set and attitude and confidence. They just see this as something they need to compete against for your time and affection. And then if there is not a lot of explanation given to help the non-coach understand that the pace of growing a business can greatly vary depending on the time put in, how far the coach steps out of their comfort zone and opens up, the audience they are working with, their organization and listening skills and other variables depending on the person and how they share, invite and grow, but say all they had heard from their spouse when they signed up is that “Mindy left her job and was able to support her family and replace her income in 625 days.” and “Coach XYZ just made it to the million dollar club”, and then 625 days goes by and their spouse who is a coach, has not reached even half of their current income from their full time job, the spouse then sits back and thinks, “Man I put up with late night calls, them always being gone, being distracted by the phone, listening to story after story about people I don’t know and this is all they’ve made in 625 days! This is hardly worth what I’ve been sacrificing and being patient about.” And then that’s when they can put the hammer down making you decide, telling you that it’s scam and that you can’t make any money. And then the coach, starts thinking about that their spouses said. They feel obligated to listen to them and consider everything they said because they are married, are a team and they love them. But then they start thinking that their spouse is wrong. You CAN help enough people and earn an income that helps you be able to leave your job that you don’t love and is restrictive to your whole families lifestyle. You KNOW it. You actually KNOW real people who did it from watching people at Super Saturday and Summit (that you attended alone) who shared their stories and how they did it. So you know that your spouse is wrong saying that it can’t be done, but then you start thinking, “Wow! He/she knows me best, and they’re right, I have been working hard and look I am nowhere near Coach XYZ. Maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s not Coach Material.” And this I found is a seed of doubt that was planted that you will let grow to the point that it inhibits you. You want to prove your spouse wrong, but you don’t want to end up proving them wrong, so you don’t do it 100% so that they can say that you put in all this time and energy and it was wasted for nothing. So you stop attending events. You only “work” as a coach when it doesn’t interfere with your time as a family. And then more time goes by and still no growth and then you convince yourself that you’re just not cut out for it.
My advice to all coaches is, when you sign up to be a coach, sit down and talk to your spouse. Tell them why you signed up as a coach. Simply share short, simple details on the program and Shakeology. You are not selling it to them. Just because they are your spouse and promised to love you through thick and thin doesn’t give you the right to demand that they join you and tell them all these crazy plans you have for them (I say this because I did) and don’t start serving Tofu or Kale for breakfast, lunch and diner and tell them how their greasy burger and soda is the worst thing ever, when you too were eating just like them the week before, right before you silently mad the decision on your own because of something that hit home mentally, emotionally and physically. This is one thing you have to learn as a new coach, starting with your family members – JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE READY – doesn’t everyone else will be ready no matter how convincing you sound because you firmly believe it. Everyone has to go at their own pace!
I have a few coaches who signed up this year. These 3 ladies watched me for a year. A whole year. They waited until they were ready emotionally and mentally. They too watched me to see what I was doing. We were strangers. We all know friends who say they are going to do something and don’t follow thru so I can imagine how scary it is to just take someones word that you don’t know other than from Facebook. So they watched me. They watched what I said. What I said I was going to do. And they watched and found out that everything I said I’d do, I did indeed follow through. I was consistent every single day. And through Social Media they got to know me so well it was as if they’d hung out with me many times. They got to know my personality, my past, my struggles, my imperfections, my failures, my family and most of all they knew my goals. I shared with everyone along the way in 2013 what my goals were. I shared things about my kids, so that when I expressed my sadness for having to be a working mother, they didn’t just relate to my experience as a parent too or just a kid who’d been a latch-key kid themselves, they actually felt it for my kids because even though many never met them and still never have, I shared enough about them, its like they knew them and could feel their sadness and mine and everyone wanted it for me just as much as they did because I am not the only one who wishes they had more time with their families. Its everyone wish, but like that old co-worker said. It makes people mad and like I am better complaining about what everyone else has had to or is dealing with as working parents. That’s when it clicked and thank goodness for personal development and Beachbody I actually decided not to continue thinking the way an average person thinks. I refused to accept or settle for something that makes me sad, angry and hurt just because everyone else has accepted it. And the fact that it pissed others off hearing me complain about and say that it was my motivation to make sure I wasn’t still complaining about the same thing over and over year after year, yet doing nothing about it really just made one thing clear in my head. Theres some people who settle for average but are not happy with it, but yet are too weak to do anything about it. Those are the same people who attack and dislike those who do. It all comes down to this: we all have 2 choices in almost anything in life. If you don’t like something than change it, but to change it means you have to eliminate things or people or often times change your mind set. Or you can stay miserable because its too scary and too difficult to change it, and just hope and wish and some might even pray that things be changed. Although sometimes things change on their own from outside forces, happiness and success does not happen overnight. You have to work hard for it. Some people look at successful people and think they got their overnight or easily and then attack those people instead of asking HOW they did it and studying them, they usually steer clear away from those people because they make them feel inferior and inadequate and then they never get a chance to meet them or talk to them to find out they are just like anyone else and probably have faced more obstacles and overcome their own negative ways of thinking and were just determined to become successful no matter how many times they tried. So while they were busy working hard, trying to get to achieve their goals others used up the same amount of energy trying to figure out how that person who is so successful finagled it. They come up with conspiracy theories, say its who their family is, their race, their education, their looks, their weight , genetics, the list of things people themselves as to why someone else is more successful is really ridiculous. They spend so much time focusing their energy on unfruitful things that they totally miss what is going on in front of them that they could take notes on and duplicate. Luckily, like I said above, I didn’t allow the stress of trying to manage so much or the stress of having 3 kids or the stress of having a toddler who made working from home difficult postpone my journey or stop me from doing the things I needed to do as a coach to be a leader and teach leadership. And at least I made it clear to my husband what I was doing, why it was important and what I needed from him, so that when I doubted myself he was there. When I went to events he was there so he knew what I was talking about, so that even though he doesn’t want to be a coach because it doesn’t fit his goals and desires as a human being, he knows it first hand that it makes me happy, its changed our life as a married couple and family and has seen me flourish as a person. He’s seen the others who have been successful (and he’s so sweet, he swears I am the best coach out there! That is what a GREAT spouse should be like!) and knows that this is a legit, awesome company. He also goes to events to make sure that even though he doesn’t want the responsibility of being someone’s coach, he knows what is offered, he believes its a company that runs with integrity and also makes sure that even though we are not both equally gung ho into Beachbody just like we are both not equally interested in hunting or fishing, but I go with him on occasion so that I know what he is talking about and so the this persons interest and passion and what they are good at, doesn’t drive a wedge between us but actually keeps us on the same track. (I see so many spouses who refuse to listen to their spouse talk about something if it doesn’t interest them. To me, you should always care what makes them happy doesn’t mean you have to love it, just express some interest, but that should go the same way in any type of friendship or relationship since thats what a selfless genuine person would do). I think its good to do what the 3 coaches I listed did. When they became coaches they told their spouses what they were doing. They shared with them my story so that there was a real person. They had gathered the facts over a year and watched what I and saw that I was honest, had integrity, had others who followed what I did and it resulted in success, and everything I did I shared with everyone.. Not just a “Look what I did.” or “Do this! It works” It was more of a “This is what I am going to do because” or “Don’t’ do this because this will happen, so try it this way that I’ve tried and works better than the way I was doing it”. So along my journey, just like in this post, I share what I’ve learned, the hard way, but turned it around because what approach I was using was ineffective, so instead of doing the same thing repeatedly with no results and getting frustrated, I watched others, I listened to what people wanted and I changed things around. And when they worked I shared publicly. NOT just the new way that worked, but the original way and explained why it worked. I have stressed over and over that my success could be achieved by anyone, but make it clear that it does not happen overnight and is not for the people who make excuses or are not ready to put in the work. I made it clear about my past, my colored past so that everyone meeting me now doesn’t assume that I was always this person, confident, positive, intuitive, insightful and open to change, because I want people to see that anyone can do it ..but in order to be great you have to make the leap and I also share how involved my family is. So I feel that these 3 ladies have been great and have taken off and been successful because they watched what I did and are duplicating it because they saw me in action and saw it work before their eyes. They had listened and so knew and understood why I did the things I did and avoid doing the things I advised not to do, instead of insisting they knew better. They instantly shared videos about the business side so that their spouses knew what they were talking about so that my story they told them came with facts and details of how they build their business and what is required. They never forced their husbands to become coaches and do what they are doing and quit their jobs, but they at least involved them and kept them part of it. 2 of the ladies spouses were able to join them at their first Super Saturday that they committed to going to less than a month after they signed up. I didn’t have to convince them to attend. They made the commitment to go themselves, even some having to travel. Why? Because they watched me for a year and because I didn’t grow tired or let up on what I did no matter how hard it was, no matter how little sleep I got in each night, I stayed consistent. My actions matched my talk. Results came from others that backed my actions and way of working. They saw me at event after event never missing one, because it was non-negotiable. And so they knew it was important! And I know that since they have their spouses supporting them and they aren’t forcing their spouses to do something they don’t want to do, then it along with their duplicating what they saw me consistently do, that is why they are leaders. So my final advice to all of you coaches or anyone reading this is this:
– Don’t just go through the motions of life
– Don’t focus on the negative
– Don’t focus on all the things you have left to do or how far you have to go
– Slow down.
– Look back
– Compare to where you were a year ago or when faced in the same situation, did you handle things differently? If not, than that means you haven’t grown or changed your mindset. Which means you haven’t meditated on your way of thinking, actions and method of operation & pushed yourself outside of your comfort zone and made yourself uncomfortable which forces you to make changes
– Make sure you are spending your time and energy focusing on how to achieve success on your own instead of trying to figure out why that person achieved success so easily or thinking of how they got it and its not fair because they must have cheated or done something sneaky to get it quicker
– Make sure you take time to focus on what your family has done to help you achieve you have in your life. What have they put up with that you maybe took for granted?
– Make sure you take time to communicate and treat those you love with kindness and respect.
– Make sure you know yourself and your why before expecting the same kind of thing from others
– Make sure when you figure out your why you share it with those it involves/effects, and will be part of helping you achieve it (Team/Spouse/Family) and share it with the world, so they can cheer you on and watch you do what you say… instead of keeping it all inside because you don’t want to disappoint anyone and you’d rather surprise them because if you are doing that then that means you really don’t believe you can do it..so you will never go out an chase it.. you will just wait quietly and silently for it to happen!