New Year, New Decade, New Version of Me

If you were born in the 80’s, raised in the 90’s, and made it to 2020, you have lived in 4 different decades, 2 different centuries, 2 different millennia, and you’re not even 40 yet. ๐Ÿ–ค

๐Ÿš๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ˜ โ€” I became a Mom for the 3rd and was fired while on my maternity leave, which I allowed to rob me of the joy being a new boy Mom.

๐Ÿš๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™ โ€” I turned 30 and shortly after, my world started to fall apart, which sent me into a downward spiral. I suffered from a full blown mental breakdown, but hid from the world. It negatively impacted my health. I โ€œdealtโ€ by starting to drink heavily again + โ€œrecreationalโ€ use of drugs. By the end of the year I was 20 lbs. overweight, totally overwhelmed & contemplated ending my life because I was at the end of my rope.

๐Ÿš๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™๐Ÿš โ€” I finally got sick & tired of being inactive, unhealthy, self-conscious and miserable & decided to do something about it. The Universe heard my cries & pointed me in the right direction/sent me exactly what I needed. With the help of a complete stranger from Miami, I got in the best shape of my life, which led to so much more than just physical results, such as me creating a side hustle duplicating what she did to help me. Helping others got me out of my head and I learned how to set goals & started DREAMING for the first time at age 31.

๐Ÿš๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ› โ€” This was the year of my awakening. I immersed myself inPersonal Development. I did the inner work which TOTALLY transformed my mindset, helped me find clarity, the healing I desperately needed and I finally found a purpose for my pain. After 21 months, I finally found the courage to quit my job in the insurance industry & followed my passion, living a life with purpose and became a full-time online coach, earning 6-figures for the first time in my life. Doing so allowed me to finally act and most importantly feel like a Mom.

๐Ÿš๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™๐Ÿœ โ€” I spent most of the year on a major high from the success I had seen in the prior years. I was throughly enjoying the life I worked so hard to create. We traveled a lot. We also parties a lot. I was given the opportunity to be part of the 2nd ever coach test group for a new fitness program called PiYo. This opportunity totally changed the trajectory of my coaching career & opened up so many other doors (like being part of the infomercial) and created so much more self-confidence. At the end of the year, I started connecting with other Korean adoptees & for the first time started to acknowledge my desire to know & understand my heritage I was denied for my entire life.

๐Ÿš๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ โ€” This was the hardest year on our marriage & our family. The girls moved in with their Dad that May. And in June we separated for 2 1/2 months. We both sought professional help and addressed our addictions & mental health issues. I spent a week as an inpatient which saved my life & got me away from people who were trying to control & manipulate me & those who meant well with their advice. We reconciled. Everyone in my โ€œWolfpackโ€ aka social circle abandoned me once I declared that I was breaking up with the party lifestyle.

๐Ÿš๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™๐Ÿž โ€” I focused on rebuilding my business and making a comeback. I ignored the hurt from being abandoned by people who I thought would always be in my life, the awkwardness & anxiety that came with getting sober by burying myself in my work. I lost 15 lbs., immersed myself with Tony Robbins and our team ended the year as part of the Top 200 of our company.

๐Ÿš๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™๐ŸŸ โ€” There was a major shift in dynamics within my team (business) that took a toll on my mental health. My health started declining & I ended up gaining 30 lbs. without explanation. I spent the entire year trying to figure out what was wrong with no answers. It greatly impacted my confidence, relationships and business. But I got my firstborn to age 18 and to celebrate her, Ryan & I all jumped out of a plane to celebrate. It was something she had wanted to do since she was 14. It was an incredible moment for me as a parent. I withdrew myself from the world and spent most of my time in bed. We ended the year with Rebel having the flu Ryan with a broken leg.

๐Ÿš๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ  โ€” The entire year was lived in โ€œlimboโ€. We were begged/convinced to move back to my hometown when we were sold โ€œa dreamโ€, but it was anything but a dream once we got there ๐Ÿ™„ We lived apart for 9 weeks while Ryan got โ€œsettledโ€ in California & I stayed behind while the kids finished out the school year. We lived in a 26โ€™ RV for almost 6 months while I adjusted to being a full-time stepparent for the first time (which is not for the faint of heart ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ฌ), all the while in a custody battle with a very bitter ex-wife & coping with being 2k miles away from my daughters. In a 3 month span Ryan sustained 2 major hand injuries (a shark bite and he almost lost his thumb in a log splitter accident). The upside was that I finally was put on the right meds that helped me my shit together & not let my anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder totally wreck me.

๐Ÿš๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™๐Ÿก โ€” The greatest accomplishment was making it to 10 years of marriage when I can describe 2019, truly the worst year of my life in 3 words: WE. BARELY. SURVIVED.

Not to sound dramatic, but it was the hardest year of my life. Iโ€™ll spare you the details, but I honestly never felt so much despair or fear, which inhibited my ability to think straight or find a solution.

In hindsight, I can find a lot of positive things that came about because we endured such an incredibly tough year, but when living in the moment I could barely find a reason to keep breathing.

However, 2019 was my healthiest & fittest year of my life because it was just about the only thing I had control over. I reached 35 lbs. lost and kept it off.

We escaped my hometown & the depths of despair by the hair of our chinny-chin-chins & made it back to Texas … to our family two days before Thanksgiving. As this year is coming to a close there will be no love lost over 2019, only valuable lessons that will not only be carried into the next decade but the rest of my life.

๐˜ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ด๐˜ต.
๐˜ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜ ๐˜ด๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜ ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ถ๐˜จ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜ ๐˜ค๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜ ๐˜ด๐˜ค๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜บ.
๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ด๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ณ๐˜บ.
๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฃ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ.
๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด.
๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต.
๐˜ ๐˜จ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ธ.
๐˜ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ฑ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ง๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด.
๐˜ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ค๐˜ฌ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ.
๐˜ ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ง๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ง๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฆ.
๐˜ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜บ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ท๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฎ.
๐˜ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ด๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฑ.
๐˜ ๐˜จ๐˜ข๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ถ๐˜ฑ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ด.
๐˜ ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ด ๐˜ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜จ๐˜ฉ๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜จ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ข๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ.
๐˜ ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ง.
๐˜ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ง.
๐˜ ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ต ๐˜ฃ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ.
๐˜ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ.
๐˜ ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฌ.
๐˜ ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ ๐˜ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ธ ๐˜ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฐ๐˜ด๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ข๐˜ญ.
๐˜ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ญ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ง.
๐˜ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜ด ๐˜ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ถ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ต.
๐˜ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ข๐˜จ๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ฏ.
๐˜ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ธ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ.
๐˜ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ฏโ€™๐˜ต ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ.
๐˜ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ฃ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฑ๐˜ด ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ง๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ.
๐˜ ๐˜ฒ๐˜ถ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ง.
๐˜ ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ต ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ.
๐˜ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ด.
๐˜ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด.
๐˜ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ด.
๐˜ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ด๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ท๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.

๐™Š๐™ซ๐™š๐™ง ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™ก๐™–๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐™™๐™š๐™˜๐™–๐™™๐™š ๐™„ ๐™˜๐™–๐™ฃ ๐™จ๐™–๐™ฎ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™„ ๐™ก๐™ž๐™ซ๐™š๐™™ & ๐™๐™ค๐™ฃ๐™š๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™ก๐™ฎ ๐™„ ๐™๐™–๐™ซ๐™š ๐™ซ๐™š๐™ง๐™ฎ ๐™›๐™š๐™ฌ ๐™ง๐™š๐™œ๐™ง๐™š๐™ฉ๐™จ.

A lot has changed, but Iโ€™m ending this year, this decade with my family in tact & loving the same man thatโ€™s pushed me to my limits for the past 14 years. What more could I ask for??

๐ฟ๐’พ๐’ป๐‘’โ€™๐“ˆ ๐’ถ ๐’น๐’ถ๐“ƒ๐’ธ๐‘’, ๐“Ž๐‘œ๐“Š ๐“๐‘’๐’ถ๐“‡๐“ƒ ๐’ถ๐“ˆ ๐“Ž๐‘œ๐“Š ๐‘”๐‘œ.

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