Do you know what my response was?
I was NOT always who I am NOW. I promise you. Over the years, through one failure after another, many hours of self-reflection, trial and error, countless personal development books & seminars, surrounding myself with people who LIFT me UP and with just time, experience and age I’ve evolved into the person I am now. You can be ANYONE you want to be. A total life/personality transformation is just like your weight loss transformation – It does NOT happen overnight. You MUST focus on progress & not perfection. And MOST of all, you MUST believe you can be who you want to be and do what you want to do.
Having a bad childhood, life full of struggles, or an in general “sob story” does NOT make you any less qualified or capable of inspiring and helping others. However, if you convince yourself that you are less worthy, your story is less interesting, people will think you are trying to play the victim, than you are right – you will NOT be an effective coach BECAUSE you will operate with less enthusiasm. If you hold back, then you limit those who you can help. Your attitude WILL hold you back. Don’t be too proud. Don’t let your ego get in the way.
CONFESSION: I have been struggling for over a week now. I worked so hard all of 2013 to what were pretty lofty goals that seemed so out of my reach earlier in the year and impossible along the way. I worked NON-STOP. I worked LONG hours. Giving up my weekends. Multi-tasking many of my duties. I was constantly frantically working on my lunch, on my breaks, late at night ’til 12-1 a.m. and on weekends. Everything seemed so chaotic while I tried to juggle my roles as a wife, mom of 3, full-time employee and coach and work towards my goal of being able to become a 5* Diamond & 2013 Elite Coach as well as leave my full-time job by my 2nd anniversary.
On 11/1 I walked away from my career in the Insurance Industry.
On 12/19 I achieved 5 Star Diamond rank.
On 12/26 I became a 2013 Elite Coach.
On 12/27 I found out that I ended the year as #51 out of 140,000 coaches.
You’d think that once I achieved these goals and fulfilled the dreams I once thought was unattainable, that I would experience a state of euphoria. As excited as I was, it still seemed somewhat surreal. Why? Because no matter how much work I put in, I still have a hard time fully wrapping my head around the fact that this was actually happening to ME & wasn’t some mix up! Not to play a martyr, but it’s just like the person who was over 300 lbs. & loses half their body weight. To everyone else they seem totally changed and look amazing, but there are times, they look in the mirror and still see that 300 lb. person. I have told myself that I AM a leader and that I worked hard for this so it should NOT be unbelievable. I have been struggling with this feeling of being a little lost. Part of it comes from the fact that, I had such a HUGE why and such BIG dreams to push me, and now I am struggling with finding a new WHY that is as EPIC as my original one. Also, after wrapping my head around the fact that I did actually accomplish something amazing, I still struggle with that inner loser way of thinking, propelled by years of people’s negative comments in my head. It’s telling me that it was just luck, just a coincidence and that there’s no way I can duplicate it much less do better this following year. Part of me wants to set really small goals, so that it’s less of a let down than if I set BIG goals and don’t make it.l Another part of my struggle lately is that for a solid year and a half, I was running around like a crazy woman, operating on 4-6 hours of sleep and now for the first time in over a decade, I have time to myself, down time, quiet time and it feels weird. It feels like I am forgetting something. It feels like I am playing hooky. I feel guilty, when I take the afternoon off to spend time with my best friends and our kids. It feels like I am less motivated and going to lose steam or get off track.
I have shared my feelings of self-worth and being “lost” with some friends that I am lucky to have. My dear friend Cynthia Beard shared her “thoughts on ‘feeling lost” which helped me a lot.
“Sometimes I think once we’ve achieved major goals, it’s good to take some time and just let those changes really absorb and internalize on a deeper level, rather than moving on to the next big thing. It really depends. There are also times when I feel like I’ll lose momentum if I stay still too long. But in those times when we do just sit with the “new,” the next big thing will emerge on its own, organically, maybe without us even noticing it until there is a sudden “aha” moment.”
So I stopped beating myself up. I stopped allowing myself to get depressed. I focused on my accomplishments and allowed myself the down time, to finally relax, catch up on some sleep and time with my family that I hadn’t ever had up until now. I stopped listening to that voice in my head that said I couldn’t do. I removed the words “I can’t” and voice of doubt from my mind. I took Thursday & Friday off to spend with my husband. We went to a Resort & Spa and just spent time doing NOTHING. It was nice. It was exactly what I needed.
I share this with you so that you ALL know that not only can you become something great if you set your mind to it, but just because you do, doesn’t mean that you do not struggle with the inner voices, feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. We all have our own inner demons, struggles, and things we’ve had to overcome from our past, that creep up if we are not careful. My advice: take time to meditate on the changes you’ve made (not how far you have left to go), focus on your WHY, re-create a new WHY and never be too proud to reach out to others for a shoulder to lean on, a hearing ear or words of advice.