When I first started my weight loss journey on February 2012 my drive and motive was PURELY selfish & only about ME. I was full of ego and self-loathing.
My ONLY goal was to look better. I am not even sure if I had a certain goal weight or weight loss number because I really didn’t have a SPECIFIC goal. I certainly never said “I want to have MUSCLES!” or “I want to feel better!”, “I want to be strong!” or “I want to change my life!”
I wanted to not feel fat, frumpy and insecure, but all of my past failures kept telling me, “It’ll never happen.”
I remember watching a P90X infomercial late at night, thinking that the results were more than likely real, but the real truth was that those people were paid actors or people who for a living worked out all day. The idea that a NORMAL person could actually do that on their own, was too good to be true. Totally unbelievable. Totally unattainable. Totally unachievable. Totally impossible.
When I decided to become a coach 13 days into P90X, I again had no specific goals.
I didn’t have a WHY.
I didn’t need the extra money.
I didn’t care about that discount because I wasn’t sure if I’d continue using Beachbody products for an extended period of time.
I didn’t care about changing lives.
I didn’t think I could change lives.
I didn’t want to quit my job.
I just simply couldn’t tell Becky “NO.” when she asked me and then proved all of my excuses as to why I couldn’t do it, as invalid.
The first few weeks of becoming a coach. I was an amateur (I am still teachable and learning everyday), but my approach and technique was atrocious.
I was overly excited about my transformation, about what I was doing, and it felt good to finally have something that I was really excited about.
My “sales pitch” was purely selfish. It was about me. It was based on my results so far. And focused on weight loss only.
As I look back over the course of 18 months, I’ve developed a solid, deep, specific, core purpose and found my WHY, so deep, that it makes me cry.
My reasons for continuing on this path, my reasons for continuing to drink Shakeology everyday for the rest of my life, has changed drastically over the course of time.
I’ve focused on weight loss, than health, and now my biggest part that I share and encourage others about is the CHANGES that will take place, if you allow it, if you have an open mind & the most IMPORTANT part, if you just get started.
I never played sports.
I can’t sing, can’t dance, can’t play a musical instrument.
I didn’t complete college.
I have never won an award.
I have struggled with A.D.D. my whole life.
I was never able to keep a job for long.
I’ve been married three times.
I have 3 kids that represent all 3 marriages.
I had never been loyal to a man until I committed to my husband.
I was a cheater, dishonest, disloyal, unhappy person, who held grudges, never forgave and was just a bitter, angry, unpleasant person for the first 25-26 years.
In 2006-2007 I really hit rock bottom. I will never forget a few defining moments that made me go “WTF are you doing Mindy! Wake the FUCK up!” I picked up and read my first Personal Development book. Started going to counseling. I’ve always known what was right vs. wrong. But finally started to identify why I always seemed to go the wrong direction and worked on correcting it and then making sure I didn’t go down the same road. My motto is to quit making the same mistake twice. The 2nd time is a choice, not a mistake. I started observing others in their situations and meditating on how I thought they got there, what I would do in the same shoes and gained a lesson out of it and always made sure I was prepared if I was ever faced with the same issue.
By doing this, I thought I’d gained a pretty good understanding of myself…. But still….
I convinced myself that I wasn’t creative.
I convinced myself that I didn’t’ have a purpose.
I convinced myself that I was never going to be the best at anything.
I convinced myself that I would never be anything, but a wife and a mom.
I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough.
I convinced myself that I would never have a body that I loved because that’s just part of becoming a mother.
I convinced myself that I would always be a failure.
I convinced myself that I would never amount to anything.
Where did all this come from? Small things, big things, my own mind, experiences with people, little things they said that they maybe didn’t even realize they said, that struck at my self-esteem, one chip at a time.
Many people, such as myself, think they are NOT creative, all because they aren’t some award winning book writer, artist, musician, actor/actress, etc.
Many people think they are bad people because someone else judged them, not knowing the full story, or maybe because they were intimidated and so cut the other person down to feel better about themselves.
Many people think they are a failure because they hide their failures because someone told them that it’s bad to fail.
Many people don’t believe in themselves because they had someone not believe in them, who before that had someone not believe in them. It’s the Law of the Dump Truck.
But every once in awhile, someone comes into your life and believes in you at the right time. The time when you have just said “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Why not ME?” And then the stars align and change begins to happen. I thank my lucky stars that Becky and I’s fate led us together.
I look back to how I felt as a person, inside and out when we first met via Facebook.
I remember when I ordered my P90X Challenge Pack on January 28, 2012.
The decision was extremely hard to make. You’d think I was buying a house, instead of a $205 fitness package that came with a 30 day money back guarantee.
Then when I FINALLY decided to order it, I distinctly remember telling my girls to not tell Ryan that I bought it. I told them it was because I wanted to surprise him with the results. When honestly the real reason was I was afraid I was going to fail and I didn’t want him knowing about it.
I had totally forgotten about this part until I was telling Sam on Sunday.
I got home on a Wednesday afternoon. I saw all the boxes sitting on a shelf in the garage. (our delivery men always leave stuff in random places if we are not home)
Ryan was outside mowing the backyard. I grabbed the boxes and shoved them in the back of the closet. I made a shake really quick and drank it before he came back inside.
He left that evening to go back to Victoria to work for his 7 day shift.
That night was when I started P90X for the first time.
I was so insecure and what some people label as “shy”, that I even made the girls go to the room so they wouldn’t watch me.
I am not sure why I was worried about what a 11 and 7 year old thought, but it just illustrates how ashamed of myself I was. How unsure I was. What little self-esteem I had.
Now I look back at who I was then and compare it to who I am NOW and WOW!
It’s hard to look back from week to week or even month to month and see personal growth, but when you look at the BIG picture, sometimes it will make your jaw drop, your head spin, and bring tears to your eyes.
I look at the way I handle helping others. It has shifted to ALL ABOUT ME to about helping enrich their lives and add value to their life.
I look at how the girl who never played a sport in her life,has now completed 3 5K’s and Warrior Dash from November 2012 to April 2013.
I look back at how ME, the girl who is easily distracted, suffers from ADD and has always had time management issues, held a 2 hour training on this same topic: TIME MANAGEMENT and had people drive 2 hours away to come listen to me, some were even strangers.
I look back at the person who never finished anything hascompleted P90X, 2 rounds of Ultimate Reset, Les Mills Pump and Combat.
I look back at how I wouldn’t even work out in front of my family and I now run a weekly group workout that has spiked up to 80 people in attendance and I can now speak in front of this large crowd and not feel like I am going to throw up everywhere like I did just 3 months back.
I look at how I share all my failures, all my issues and things I am not proud of, things I used to hide from others because I was ashamed, and thought I’d be labeled as a loser, failure, horrible person, etc like about my childhood, marriages, affairs, dishonest acts and surprisingly I have had more support and more people reach out to me not because they are judging me, but because they’ve done or encountered the same things and had lost all hope of turning their life around, but now seeing the person I am NOW, gives them hope that they can to.
I about died yesterday when my friend Crystal told me that I was her moral compass and said that since we’ve been friends (for about 5 years) she has discontinued most of her self-destructive behavior.
10 years ago someone would’ve laughed if I were described as a “Moral Compass”.
I may have started off a total failure at many aspects oflife, but instead of staying a failure, I have taken the time to learn from mymistakes and shortcomings and not only improve myself, but use these lessons tohelp others not make the same mistake or at least show them that it’s possibleto overcome anything and turn your life around. It’s never too late to redesignyourself, your future and your destiny.
You may feel like this – but you are NOT trapped at where you are.. at least not forever. The choice is yours!