38 – THIRTY EIGHT – In the blink of an eye, here I am “middle-aged”, almost 40. How the hell did that happen?
It seems like just yesterday that I was in my 20’s thinking to myself, “When Haylie is 18, I will be 36, exactly double here age!”
At the time, 36 seemed so far off, and then in a blink of an eye, 36 came and went and now I am staring 38 in the face like….
…time, don’t take it for granted…
In the final hours of my 37th year of life, I have to reflect back on the years. Some might say I have lived a very “eventful” life, one with a long list of missteps. There was a time, not too terribly long ago that I was ashamed of a lot of my past. I spent too much time & energy beating myself up over “regrets” or blaming other people. But something changed within me, right after I turned 32. I stopped hiding. I stopped living in shame. I let everything out in the open. It was the most freeing thing I ever did.
Some people may look at who I am now, what I am like, the content I share and assume as many have, that I have always been bold, forthright and “inspirational”. Many might not any of my history. Others might share some of these things in common with me, but are too consumed with shame and those people need to know that the past is the greatest fortune teller and teacher. Painful events and missteps are unavoidable.
I really don’t feel like I truly started living until I was 15 and escaped the prison I was in.
At 15 I ran away
At 16 graduated
At 17 I was pregnant
I became a mother at 18 to Haylie
I got married at 19
I left husband #1 and moved to Texas at 20
I met my 2nd ex-husband at 21
I had my second daughter, Emily when I was 22
I remarried at 23
I met my husband Ryan when I 24
We started dating at 25
My 2nd divorce was finalized by age 26
We got engaged when I was 27
I got married for the 3rd (and FINAL) time when I was 28
I had my third child, Rebel at 29
I had my first mental breakdown at 30
When I was 31, I met a stranger who helped ME save MY life and I made a rather blind decision to become a coach
I quit my job at 32 to become a full-time coach
I had healed so much, gained confidence and felt like a successful person & was on top of the world at age 33.
I hit rock bottom again. experiencing my 2nd mental breakdown when I was 34 which led to me checking into a mental health facility as an inpatient, which led to be getting sober on October 25, 2015.
I made one hell of a comeback at age 35
There was a dramatic shift within our marriage that changed everything and it felt like the best year in our marriage when I was 36
This past year, as a 37 year old woman, I lived apart from my husband for 9 weeks, which was all a part of the plan as we relocated to California from Texas…
I don’t know what 38 has to offer, but with everything I have learned in the years prior…it HAS got to be one FUCKING amazing year.
Remember life is not happening TO you, rather FOR you!